I Want To Know What Love Is E-book

Shane

There’s nothing more pointless than a meet and greet when you’re a drummer. Most people probably couldn’t name five drummers. Or really two. And I wasn’t one of them.

So tonight, like most nights, I stood at the edge of the room, arms crossed, catching the run-off from women waiting to gush at Noah or Micah.

“It’s like a weird dating game,” Lennon said, striking the same posture as me. As the only woman in the band, and a bass player at that, she was nearly as invisible as me. Nearly.

She’d only joined the band a few months ago, but already, she had her own fans. Usually the women who approached her only wanted to talk about music, not invite her back to their room. Usually.

The dudes weren’t worth mentioning.

“I’m enjoying the persiflage,” I said, checking my phone for the time.

“Dare I ask?” She didn’t need to roll her eyes. Her tone conveyed her ennui.

“It means flippant banter.” I’d been annoying her by dropping the word of the day into casual conversation whenever I could. “As in, the two wallflowers exchanged light and witty persiflage.”

“Oh, watch this.” Lennon tilted her head. “I think those two women are going to—” One of the women posing for a selfie with Noah slid her hand down to his ass. Lennon laughed. “Yup.”

Noah glowered, understandably sick of being treated like a prop. He was as ready as the rest of us for this tour to wrap up. Two more shows.

A couple of women drifted near us, eyes on Noah, looking for a break in the endless stream.

I sighed. “Hello.” It was pointless. I wasn’t pretty like Noah and Micah, and hidden behind the drums, I didn’t have face recognition. I could have been a roadie. Or another fan.

Lennon adopted an irritating voice. “Oh, my God. Aren’t you the drummer for The Most Wanted?”

One of the women turned to eye me. “So you know Noah?”

I had to laugh. At least she was open about it. The sneaky ones would pretend to be interested in me, string me along, and then once I introduced them to the rest of the band, they’d take their shot with Noah.

It wasn’t his fault he was so pretty, but he had no idea how much it fucking hurt. 

“Noah and I go way back,” I said. “He was my first love, actually.”

The woman scoffed, like this was preposterous. “Is it true he has a girlfriend?”

Unbelievably, that rumor was true. He’d turned over a new leaf. I never thought I’d see the day. “Going on a whole month now.”

Noah slipped from the small mob around him and found me.

“Speak of the devil,” I said. “These young women were keeping me company until you were free.”

“Hey, Noah,” one of them said, all flirty.

Noah breathed in, clearly about one fuck away from empty. “I have to get out of here,” he said, and then before I could process what he was saying, he bolted.

Shit. We still had five minutes left. I started to go after him, but Lennon put a hand on my forearm.

“Leave it. Nobody cares.”

Micah watched Noah go, said a few words to the guy he was chatting with, then broke away and came straight over to us.

“What the hell was that?”

“We’re in D.C.,” I said. “He always gets squirrely when we play here.”

“Shit. Right.” Micah ran a hand through his hair. “I forgot.”

Lennon arched an eyebrow. “What’s in D.C.?”

It wasn’t my place to spill Noah’s whole history, but I wouldn’t have had time to anyway because security went rushing down the hall, returning only to frog-march Noah to the exit.

Fucking hell. “Well, I guess we’re done here.”

I took off down the corridor to chase after my best friend, but he was long gone by the time I made it out the doors.

“Check the bus,” Micah said, catching up to me.

The bus was running, waiting for us to board, and Noah’s things were still there, but no sign of Noah.

His thirty-day girlfriend, Crystal, came stomping across the parking lot, saying, “I need to get my things,” before she’d even reached us. Security trailed her like she feared for her safety.

I swore I would never complain about being ignored by groupies again. At least my low profile had spared me from these kinds of theatrics. Where are you, Noah?

I had my suspicions, and as soon as we sorted Crystal out, I dialed his number. “Pick up.”

He answered, sounding out of breath. “Hey, Shane.”

And although I already knew the answer, I asked, “Man, where the hell are you?”

“I needed to get away.”

I paced outside the bus. We were about to leave for Philadelphia, and he was AWOL. This wasn’t cool at all. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Not really.”

“I know something’s up. Crystal came and got her things from the bus. Security was with her.”

He cussed. Whatever had happened, we’d figure it out later. Right now, we just needed an entire band to move on to the next town.

“Noah, man. Come on back to the bus. Micah’s hella pissed.”

“I want my soul back,” he growled.

“What even? Where are you? We can come get you.”

“I don’t think you can drive the bus on the Mall.”

Goddammit. “Noah, what are you planning?”

“Look, I’ll catch a train up to Philly and meet you guys there tomorrow. Go on without me. There’s something I need to do.”

Well, this was probably inevitable. Micah watched me, waiting for me to give him some good news, but Noah was a stubborn ass on the best of days. And when it came to one person in particular, he was unbending. So I said, “If you see Lucy, tell her I said hi.”

“Thanks, man.” He hung up.

“Well?” Micah asked, a note of doubt creeping in.

I shook my head. “Dude has all the women in the world throwing themselves at him, but he can’t let go of her.”

Micah nodded. “When you find that one person, nobody else will replace them. I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost Josie.”

I had no idea about any of that. I’d been overshadowed most of my life first by Noah, then Adam, now Micah. Professionally, I could handle it. Among drummers, I’d earned the nickname Hurricane Shane. I was a madman with a pair of sticks. But romantically? It had all been fool’s gold.

“Yeah, well. Noah needs to learn to accept that she’s moved on.” It had been years.

“Speaking of moving on,” Lennon said. “Can we take this the fuck on the road? I need my beauty sleep.”

With one last glance over the parking lot, like Noah might magically appear, I climbed up the steps, grabbed my dog-eared copy of A Confederacy of Dunces, and settled into my bunk to lose myself in a fictional world.

The motor hummed, the sound of dreams for a touring musician. Outside doors slammed, and then the bus pulled out. There were no windows in the bunks, so I couldn’t wistfully watch the landmarks of D.C. as we passed through the background of my childhood. Noah was out there somewhere, and I could only hope he knew what he was doing.

The separator door slid open as Lennon, then Micah, entered. Micah rolled onto a bunk, but Lennon passed on through to the back rec area to usurp the pull-out sofa. She glanced up at me once and said, “Night, Morgan.”

I propped a pillow up to read. “Night, Smyth.”

In the dark with only my reading lamp to illuminate the pages, I settled in for another lonely night.